& i'll never tell ♣ (mrs_min_ai) wrote in poetic_licenses,
& i'll never tell ♣

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[fic] heroes (or other such atrocities);ot5

heroes (or other such atrocities)
ot5, slight jongkey, pg
gen, humor, bandfic
summary: In which shinee gains superpowers and all hell ensues in the dorms.

an: I wrote this in a few hours and didn't really go over it. I just really wanted to write a superpowered!shinee fic. i'm still working on the sequel to "i really hate you (but i love you) but i'm stuck with the ending, so here's this thing for the time being. I hope you enjoy!

Jinki wakes up one morning with a killer headache and the ability to move things with his mind.

He’s pretty sure that’s not normal. In fact, he’s quite certain that’s the opposite of normal. But considering how he always seems to trip over flat surfaces or turn any situation awkward in a matter of seconds, he realizes he probably wasn’t all that normal to begin with.

But this, Jinki thinks, this is a whole other level of not normal.

“You can do what now?” Kibum asks disinterestedly after Jinki had stumbled into the kitchen where the rest have started their breakfast.

“I can move things with my brain!” Jinki flails desperately. This probably would have only succeeded in making him look even more crazy if it weren’t for the fact that all the cereal boxes in the kitchen flew from their cabinets and onto the kitchen floor on account of his flailing.

“Um… oops?” Jinki smiled sheepishly.

Minho only stared, Taemin had applauded, and Jonghyun began singing a superhero rendition of “Onew Condition.”

“This is not okay,” Kibum says. “This is like… the opposite of okay.”

Jinki bashfully toes a cereal box with his sock clad foot.

“And I am not cleaning this up,” He added as an afterthought.

The only problem with Jinki being telekinetic would have to be the fact that he’s Jinki and he’s telekinetic. That alone speaks volumes of various dangers to come. He can barely control his own two feet let alone objects with his mind. So after several mishaps that included a number of objects being flung around the dorm and what Kibum has now dubbed; “The Unfortunate Knife Incident” Jinki is no longer allowed to leave the bedroom unless stated otherwise.

“Can I call you Professor Xavier?” Taemin asked one day as he flopped down across Jinki’s bed.

“He’s more like Jean Grey,” Jonghyun supplied absently as he flipped through a manga. “You know, because of the hair and the fact that he’s kind of girly.”

Jinki huffed indigently and glared at the other boy. He was not girly.

“It’s okay, Hyung,” Taemin smiled consolingly. “She also turns into the Phoenix and the Phoenix is like… super badass.”

“She also dies,” Jonghyun adds.

“But then she comes back!” Taemin argues.

“Yeah, only to die again.”

Kibum stands from his bed. “This is probably the nerdiest conversation that has ever been my displeasure of witnessing. I’m going to go make dinner now and pretend all is right with the world.”

Minho patted Jinki consolingly on the head.

The next person to discover a new ability-- much to everyone’s immediate horror-- was Taemin.

The youngest had skipped into the living room one sunny afternoon with a cheeky smile and declared happily; “I can set fires with my mind.”

The others sat frozen on the couch and could only watch helplessly as Taemin proceeded to demonstrate his new ability by juggling a fireball into the air as if it was some sort of magic trick and not their imminent deaths.

“The end is nigh,” Kibum groaned pathetically into his hands.

“We’re all going to die,” Jonghyun added.

“I’m joining Super Junior,” Minho declared and made to leave.

“At least he can control it better than me,” Jinki supplied helpfully. And then, just to prove his previous statement wrong Taemin dropped a fireball on the rug.

“Oh, shoot! Don’t worry! I got it! I got it!” Taemin shouted as he stomped out the fire and leaving a scorch mark the size of a potato in the carpet.

“Um… oops?” The youngest smiled innocently.

“We’re all going to die,” Jonghyun said again.

“Pyrokinesis,” Minho began as he stared at his laptop. “The ability to control the kinetic energy of atoms to generate, control or absorb fire.”

“Wow, thanks Professor Xavier,” Jonghyun said sarcastically as he leaned over Minho’s shoulder. He was on Wikipedia.

“Ugh, you nerd! If I hear one more X-Men reference--” Kibum began but stopped when he heard Taemin giggle from across the room. He looked over only to see Taemin now juggling three exceptionally larger fireballs into the air while simultaneously dancing to Lucifer. Kibum tried not to notice how eerily appropriate that looked.

“Damn it, Taemin! Stop showing off! It’s not that cool!” Jonghyun shouted irritably, clearly jealous.

Taemin stopped dancing and stared. “I can set fires with my mind,” he said seriously. “Your argument is invalid.”

Minho discovers he can fly.

There’s a dent on the ceiling the size of his head to prove it.

Jinki almost cried because he thought it was his fault. Taemin was a bit jealous until he remembered he could set fires with his mind. And Jonghyun only moped about how unjust the world was.

“There must be something in the water,” Kibum admonishes. “I’m drinking wine from now on.”

Kibum was the only person not on board with the whole "superpower" thing.

“You’re just lame,” Jonghyun told him plainly. “Or maybe you’re just worried you won’t get a cool super power like everyone else.”

Kibum rolled his eyes and continued to adjust his bangs in the mirror. “Says the boy who also has no superpowers to speak of. Maybe you can be Taemin’s sidekick, Powerless Boy!”

Jinki snickered from across the room. Jonghyun glared.

“In a world full of average sized people,” Kibum continued dramatically. “One boy must use his abnormally short stature for good and--”

“I’m going to have Taemin light all your clothes on fire.” Jonghyun said irritably. “When I do get a power, it’ll be super badass and you’ll just be jealous.”

“Riiight,” Kibum said as he shuffled over to the closet and then froze as if a chill ran up his spine. “Why do I suddenly feel frustrated and strangely attracted to myself?’

“Huh?” Jonghyun said dumbly.

Kibum turned to him with a delicately raised eyebrow. “Now I feel confusion and embarrassment... and it's all coming from your direction."

“I-- it’s not me!” Jonghyun said desperately.

“I think Kibum just discovered his new superpower~” Jinki sing-songed from across the room.

Jonghyun suddenly felt like he needed to sit quietly in a corner for a while and contemplate life's cruelties over a box of double chocolate chip cookies.

“Empathy,” Minho told them later from in front of his laptop. “The ability to read or sense the emotions and/or control the emotions or feelings of others.”

“That,” Kibum begins, “is fucking boss.”

“Tch, more like lame,” Jonghyun interrupts lamely. “Of course you’d get a girly power like empathy.”

“Please, Jonghyun. I’m an empath. I can sense your jealously from here,” Kibum replied flippantly.

“This is so not fair!” Jonghyun groaned into his pillowcase miserably. “You didn’t even want a superpower! How is it fair that you get one-- albeit a lame one-- and not me?”

“Maybe your power is the ability to whine non stop,” Taemin piped in innocently. Jonghyun glared and threw a paper ball at him. It disintegrated into a ball of fire and burnt up before it could reach him.

“Show off,” Jonghyun mumbled.

“Jealous,” Taemin replied.

A couple weeks later, Jonghyun woke up only to discover he could turn invisible.

He feels this power would be a lot handier if his clothes disappeared with him. But alas, they don’t. And the only way for him to be completely unseen was for him to be completely naked. That of course could only lead to numerous, potential awkward situations, especially considering he couldn’t exactly control when he reappeared. And Jonghyun wasn’t particularly fond of the idea or appearing butt naked while he was trying to, say… peek in on Kibum showering. That couldn't possibly end well.

“If it’s any consolation,” Minho began diplomatically. “You’re so short you’re really not all that noticeable anyway.”

Jonghyun kind of wished he was Pyrokinetic-- just for a moment.

A few weeks pass and everyone is more or less content with their new found abilities. Jinki had started practicing to get the hang of his telekinesis without decking someone in the head. Taemin had refrained from lighting things on fire, especially after the whole “armchair incident.” Minho didn’t fly around anymore (except for when he was cheating in soccer, Taemin was sure.) And everyone could live in peace now that Jonghyun had stopped randomly appearing butt naked around the dorms at the most inappropriate of times.

Kibum on the other hand was discovering his new power wasn’t as “boss” as he once thought. The thing about being an empath was that he was very, very in tune with everyone’s emotions. Meaning if someone was mad, he was furious. If someone was happy, he was ecstatic. And if someone was sad, he was down right depressed. And worst of all these emotions all had a tendency to hit him all at once.

“God, you’re more emotional than a pregnant woman.” Jonghyun said as he watched Kibum sobbing uncontrollably on the couch next to a bewildered Jinki.

“I can’t help it!” Kibum whined. “Jinki’s just so sad!”

“I-I’m not that sad!” Jinki said desperately as he turned off the tv and patted Kibum awkwardly on the back. “I’ve seen Mufasa die plenty of times! It’s not that sad anymore!”

“B-But you are sad!” Kibum says, sobbing again.

“Yeah, but--”

“Just get out! It’s too much!” Kibum yelled as he pushed Jinki off the couch and watched as he stumbled clumsily back into the bedroom. His sobs didn’t start calming down until the door shut behind him and Kibum whipped his face and sighed.

“Feeling better, princess?” Jonghyun asked cheekily.

“Die in a fire, Jjong,” Kibum mumbled.

Taemin poked his head out from the bedroom door. “Did someone need me?”

“You guys, I have an idea,” Jonghyun announced one morning over breakfast.

“Well that’s never good,” Minho mumbled into his apple juice. Jonghyun glared, but otherwise ignored him.

“What’s your idea, Jonghyun?” Jinki asked pleasantly, clearly trying to humor the younger boy. Jonghyun smiled toothily and held up a picture of five crudely drawn superheroes.

“I’ve decided we should fight crime!” He said proudly. The kitchen fell silent for a long moment as they all stared at Jonghyun in a mixture of disbelief and amusement until Kibum broke it with loud, boisterous laughter, practically falling over in his seat.

“I’m serious!” Jonghyun shouted. “We can be like the Justice League, or The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, or--”

“The Powerpuff Girls!” Taemin shouted happily.

“No, not like The Powerpuff Girls, Taemin. If anything, we’re more like the Teen Titans. But anyway, It’ll be awesome! He can fight crime and have secret identities and wear cool costumes. It’s a great idea!”

“Why is Minho wearing a dress?” Jinki inquired suddenly as he observed Jonghyun’s drawing.

“That’s Kibum,” Jonghyun pouted.

Kibum only stopped laughing long enough to shout an indigent “Hey!”

“Well someone needs to be the chick!” Jonghyun argued back. “And it sure as hell can’t be any of us.”

Kibum stopped and stared at the other boy for a long calculating moment before Jonghyun’s eyes widened and he dropped his picture to the floor and rushed over to Kibum and clasped his hands in his.

“I’m sorry, my love!” Jonghyun declared. “Your beauty is just so overwhelming I didn’t know how else to express it!”

“Kibum,” Jinki began, trying to put his best leader voice on. “It’s not nice controlling other people’s emotions.”

Kibum only grinned and watched as Jonghyun nuzzled his hands lovingly.

Oh yeah, his power was still boss.


an: yeah, the ending is kind of rushed, but i really wanted to post something today and i wasn't really up for expanding this. :\ maybe i'll write another superpower!shinee fic again, only more serious. i was conflicted about making this serious or humorous but ended up with humorous, obviously. i hope someone at least found this partly amusing. comments are greatly appreciated!

cliche shinee fic ideas i've always wanted to try:

high school!au

be sure to join poetic_licenses for update! <3

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Tags: fandom:shinee, length:one-shot, pairing:jonghyun/key, pairing:shinee ot5
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